(Warning: this post rambles)

This may come as a shock to some of you, but some Sunday mornings I fake it. I fake wanting to be there, I fake wanting to talk to people, I fake my praises. Don’t hear me say that I dislike ministry because I love it, I can’t see myself doing anything else. Similarly, don’t hear me say I dislike Southside Baptist Church, because they’re like family to me. I’ve actually had a person ask me to consider coming and serving at another church as student minister but I turned them down because I love Southside so much. What I mean by “I fake it” is just that; I fake a good attitude.

Why did I fake it today? It all started seven days ago. This past week I worked Sunday through Thursday engaged in the usual pastoral duties: visiting, calling, writing cards, reading, reading, studying, studying, studying. Then Friday (which is usually my day off) I had a great, yet exhausting, time with the students at a local Fun Park for eight hours. Saturday offered no respite because I was in charge of a children’s ministry event, a “winter celebration,” and that was even more exhausting than the student event. So today, when I came to church I had had my fill of being around people. All I wanted was to stay in my office and read. Indeed, that’s just what I did up until the worship service started. I virtually closed myself off in my office until with one minute to spare I bolted down the hallway to the platform where I sit during the morning service.

I knew that if I went into that sanctuary with time to kill I’d get caught up in a conversation filled with pleasantries. The type of pleasantries that people who only speak to each other once a week engage in. This type of conversation, by the way, I have to prepare myself for. It EXHAUSTS me. Some people get energized when they spend time in situations like this. I, however, do not. After a bout of chatting and shaking 100+ hands in the matter of 30 minutes I have to retreat to my solitude like a recluse and recover.

I gave the morning announcements and the invocation prayer with the usual excitement in my voice, but it was faked. I sang all the worship songs as though I’d rather be doing nothing else, faked. After the service I shook hands and told people how good it was to see them, fake, fake. I was faking it all. What did I want most this morning? To be sleeping.

“Normal” people get to choose whether or not they go to church. If they have a cold, they don’t have to go. If they legitimately need to catch up on their sleep, they don’t have to go. But for me it’s not just church. I don’t go there just to lay my worship before the Lord. I go there to work. I go there to earn money. I go there to support my family. It’s my trade. 99% of the time I love my trade. I love it when “work” involves me taking a group of teens to Six Flags Over Georgia. I love it when “work” means I get to go to church and am paid to be there. But sometimes I wish I could just opt out of a Sunday here and there. Sometimes my heart’s just not in my work. In that way I suppose being a minister is just like any other vocation. There are days when you love to work and there are days when you have to work. I suppose I shouldn’t expect ministry to be any different.

In conclusion, I praise God that He’s given me the ability to work and the privilege to work for Him! Though, perhaps we should keep in mind that any job a Christian does he should do it as if working for the Lord. I wonder, does that mean we are to never dislike our work? I think not.

I’ve told my youth group this so I have no problem telling you, I’ll do almost anything for the right price. I say “almost” because I won’t do anything immoral or illegal for any amount of money. Examples of things I consider immoral would be self-mutilation, putting myself or others in harm’s way, etc. Otherwise, there’s nothing I won’t do for a certain amount of money. The amount of money, of course, varies based on the thing you want me to do. You want to see me eat brussel sprouts? $5. Eat a hissing cockroach alive? $100. You get the idea. It’s with this concept in mind that I will pose some questions to you, readers.

1) If you were given a choice that upon the flip of a coin you would either get $100,000,000 cash (if it’s tails) or die (if it’s heads) would you do it? Would you take the chance?

2) If you were to be given $100,000,000 in exchange for you leaving the country ALONE and could never return nor contact any family or friends in the U.S. again, would you take the money?

3) If someone offered you $100,000,000 in exchange for sensitive government information (pertaining to the country in which you reside, and assuming you knew something extremely sensitive like codes to nuclear missile silos) would you take the money and become a traitor?