I Am The Office IT Guy

February 9th, 2006

One of the blessings & curses of being a Gen-Xer is having a basic knowledge of computers. We’re born knowing how these machines work. But at my church you’d think I was the Dalai Lama of computers judging by the amount of requests I get to “fix” someone’s computer.

One recent conversation went like this:

“Hey, Ben, you’re good with computers, right? Can you set our office computers (4 of them) so they can talk to each other?”

“You mean a LAN?”

“Um….yeah, whatever it is, can you do it?”

“Sure thing.”

Another conversation several weeks ago:

“Hey, Ben, you’re good with computers right? I opened up my internet [browser] and it’s just a small box. I think I broke it.”

“No, just click this box here.” I click the maximize button and the screen magically maximizes. Oooooo’s and Ahhhhhh’s commence.

Honestly, I like the attention. I’m being recognized for something I’m good at. Never mind the fact that I’m good at being a youth pastor too, I know COMPUTERS!

Today a lovely older lady in the church came to me. She wanted to buy a laptop computer and had some questions. Her first sentence was, “Hey, Ben, you’re good with computers right?” As a side note I’d like to point out that how people know I’m good with computers is beyond me. I don’t go around advertising it. But people obviously must be talking with each other about the new youth pastor who’s good with computers. The funny part is I’m not that good, I’m average. Compared to the real IT guys I’m a doofus. I digress.

Back to the lovely lady who’s in the market for a laptop. Evidently someone had told her that all she needed was to install a wireless card in her computer and she’d have internet access for free by getting it from a satellite. I realized that I had to start with the basics and explain how people connect to the internet. Then I explained what a wireless internet cloud was. I drew diagrams and everything. She caught on really quick too. It feels good being able to help someone understand something better.

All this to say that it’s funny to me how I was hired to be a minister to students but have also taken on the role of the unofficial office IT man. I’m not complaining, though it would be nice to get the same recognition for my madd exegetical skillz.

Farts and Giggles

February 7th, 2006

My son, the unintentional comedian, is learning new words at a feverish pace. Unfortunately he’s not always able to remember which definitions go with which words. For some time now he’s been aware of his and everyone else’s burps. So when he burps or is within earshot of a burp his eyes widen and he exclaims, “BURP!” with such exuberance that you’d think he’d discovered a method of cold fusion. More recently he’s discovered his own flatulence. But instead of calling it a toot, a flutter or even a fart, after he “breaks wind” he widens his eyes, points to his posterior and belts out, “BURP!” to anyone willing to listen. If no one is listening he’ll repeat it louder and louder until someone does listen. He then proceeds to giggle at his funny body. He’s a boy through and through. Why do we men find our bodily functions so amusing? I certainly don’t know the reason, but evidently it’s genetic.

Part of me wants to correct him, “no son that was a toot.” But the other part of me finds this mistake too darn adorable to educate into oblivion. Besides, he essentially correct. Isn’t a fart very similar to a burp from your butt? Well, doctors may disagree, but to a 2 year-old it makes perfect sense to use the same word to refer to these two bodily functions. I never thought farting and burping could be cute until I heard those otherwise gross sounds come out of my son. And I NEVER thought I would be able to tolerate somone farting on my lap!

10 Things I Wish I Knew My First Year In Ministry

February 5th, 2006

I’ve been a minister to students for four years now. Looking back I’ve realized, mostly because hindsight is 20/20, that going into it I was blissfully ignorant of several aspects of serving full-time in a church. For the sake of all the young ministers out there who are about to begin serving in a church I’m writing this list of things you should know as you go into ministry. I hope it helps.

Ministers have a love/hate relationship with their calendar. Without a calendar you are dead (or dying) in the water. On one hand you can’t let it rule your life, on the other hand you can’t live without it. Get one and take it with you everywhere.

Keep it together. Keep all your crap together. Don’t have loose pieces of paper floating around your office with important information on them. Remember Trapper-Keepers back in grade-school? Yeah, the grown up version of those is a legal pad holder like this. Get one, treat it like a lady does her purse.

Receipts are more valuable than gold. Keep every single freakin’ receipt you get. File them away for eternity (actually, about 3 years.) Similarly, always ask for a receipt when you buy something. If you forget to, you can plan on needing that very receipt later. Also, remember that ministers are among the most frequently audited by the IRS. And their inquisitiveness is second only to that of a church board.

Write down everything. Take extensive notes, then put them in your grown up Trapper-Keeper. Never assume that you’ll remember something. In fact, you should assume that you will develop amnesia five minutes from now. Ministers are notorious for forgetting stuff when they don’t write it down.

Shake the hands, kiss the babies. This is just a part of being a public official as well as a minister. Like it or not, people expect you to be a friendly person. I’m not saying you need to be someone else or change who you are. Just be the friendliest version of yourself possible.

Learn to say “no” tactfully. As a minister you’ll get asked to do a lot of things. Some of the requests will make you think, “Do I look like a (insert profession)?” Learn how to say “no” without sounding like a lazy jerk, because you’re not one.

To know you is to love you. The thing is, you have to give people a chance to get to know you. How you go about accomplishing this task is really up to you. Just make sure you take steps to let people in to your life. In effect, one of your goals in ministry should be to “pour” your life into others.

Befriend the pastor/staff. More likely than not, the staff members with whom you serve really do want to be your friends. They want to know you and to spend time talking with you about stuff unrelated to ministry. You should want to be their friend too. Believe me, they’re the best allys or worst enemys you can have. Take steps to make them your allies.

Don’t compare your ministry to others. Your ministry is unique to you and how God has made you. You’re not called to be the next Billy Graham or Rick Warren. You are called to be the best “you” that you can be. By default your ministry will look different than others. Besides, when we compare our ministry to others we typically compare our weaknesses to their strengths. This will always result in a skewed perspective.

Remember your calling. Your calling (probably) is to minister the Word of God to His people. Your calling is (probably) not to overhaul a church’s policies. Play by their rules. If you’re constantly battling over policies chances are you’re hurting your overall effectiveness in the one area that God called you to: feeding His sheep. P.S. – I say “probably” because there are indeed some people who God called to change church policies. However, far too many ministers think they’re called to that when they aren’t.