Apparently I’m a negligent parent. I say that because according to an article published by Consumer Reports, “8 products not to buy for kids,” the number one thing to not buy a kid is a trampoline and what’s the one toy that Thomas enjoys most? You guessed it, the big, round, bouncy trampoline/death machine we have set up in the backyard.
Maybe we should have known better. After all, as Consumer Reports says,
A trampoline is an accident waiting to happen. In 2003, the latest year for which data are available, some 98,000 trampoline-related injuries resulted in emergency room visits, according to the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission. At least 6 deaths have been reported since 1990. [Emphasis mine]
You know what those statistics tell me? They tell me that there are a lot of dumb people out there. Do you honestly think all (or even most) of those 98,000 injuries happened as a person was simply jumping up and down by himself? No! You know as well as I that they got hurt while doing flips, jumping off of roof-tops onto the trampoline, jumping from a trampoline into a pool or any other number of stupid human tricks. I’m equally sure that each instance of stupidity was preceded by the phrase, “Hey guys, watch THIS!” A good many of them were probably teenage boys trying to impress their friends/girlfriend too.
At any rate, I’m not putting much stock in Consumer Reports’ little list. Why you ask? Well, for starters they say that ATV’s are “dangerous” for kids. Everyone south of the Mason Dixon line knows that ATV’s are like rocking horses; every toddler should have one (I’m kidding of course, but not nearly as much as you hope I am.)
The good news is that Thomas is still at an age where he can’t play outside alone yet so when he’s on the trampoline I’m like, right there with him. Better still, by the time he gets inundated with teenage hormones, suddenly developing a driving desire to do stupid stuff in front of his friends, our trampoline will have been long gone due to its age and the fact that I’ll probably break it one of these days as I see just how far I can jump off of it. All the while, of course, yelling, “Thomas, watch daddy!”
Which brings me to wonder: did you ever do anything stupid as a teenager?
