To the untrained eye Thomas may look cute and innocent but I assure you that although he is supernaturally cute he is anything but innocent. When I see him do the “happy dance” wherein he giddily bounces up and down while waving his hands in the air after accomplishing some amazing feat I’m overcome with a desire to squeeze him until he pops. But all those good feelings go away when I see him charging head-first at my crotch.
Yeah, evidently Thomas has developed some twisted sort of joy in seeing his daddy writhe in pain on the trampoline clutching his massacred groin. Honestly, I just don’t think he yet draws the connection between the impact of his forehead upon my person and the tears rolling down my face. Someday he’ll learn not to hit daddy there. I’m trying to teach him now but the learning curve is a little too slow for my taste.
Dear God,
I know that the current operating system which you install in all new kids includes such programs as “breathing.exe” and “extretingwaste.exe.” But would you be so kind as to include the priceless program called “dontcrushdaddyscrotch.exe” in the rest of my children? I know it’s an open source program and you won’t see any royalties from it but I think it could greatly improve the functionality of children “out of the box” as opposed to me having to install it myself later (drivers are almost impossible to find.)
Your faithful servant,
Ben
P.S.-Thanks for the great sunrise today 
