Monthly Archives: June 2006
Blue Eye
Occasionally the Red Sea of the terrible twos parts and the cuteness becomes overwhelming.
I Choke on the Regret
This is an apology post written to one person alone, Melanie. I was going to call you (which would have been exceedingly awkward) or write you a hand-written letter but to me that felt too much like I was trying to sweep my indiscretions under the proverbial rug by keeping them from the public’s eye. Since I wronged you publicly on my blog it’s only proper for me to apologize publicly on my blog. The post in which I so childishly offended you is long gone, it died with one of the infamous Open Switch database crashes of ’05. But nevertheless the memory of the post is still clear in my mind. The link to the offending post: clicky.
For those of you not “in the know” concerning that of which I speak let me fill you in. I had written an extremely immature post about how it was OK to judge books (i.e. other people) by their covers (i.e. the clothes people wear.) Melanie and her hubby, Adam, both politely objected to my stance and had good reason to do so as I was wrong in my assertion. The problem was that I was prideful, not wanting to admit that I was wrong and I flamed them both individually. I called Melanie a Troll and some other things that I honestly can’t remember. What I do remember is that I was a prick. I apologize to my readers for using that word, but “jerk” just doesn’t sum up exactly how rude I was to Melanie. In fact, to get an accurate idea of my childishness you could easily throw any four or five letter word in front of “prick” and still come up woefully short of describing how horrible I was. I apologized to Adam over the course of the next few months that followed but never apologized to Melanie…until now.
I apologize sincerely for my past actions toward you, Melanie. I’m sorry that I called you a Troll, and said all those horrible things to and about you. I choke on the regret that I didn’t apologize sooner; I’m just that insensitive sometimes. I fully know that this apology may be too little, too late for you and if that’s the case then I’ll just have to live with it. The fact remains that sometimes we do things that are stupid and even if we feel sorry about it, there are real consequences with which we have to live.
I’d also like to take this moment to speak to my fellow religious bloggers. You all have a monumental task before you. You want to share your beliefs and your convictions with the whole world. Yet at the same time you don’t want to shut everyone out who doesn’t agree with you. Take my past mistakes as a lesson to what can happen when you let your pride get in the way of your humanity.
Love with humility; that’s the best combination possible for religious blogging.
I’m Not NOT Sleeping
I can fall asleep almost anywhere. Then, once unconscious, I sleep like a rock. This is evidenced by the fact that I’ve dozed in places that normal people would be too afraid to rest. All through college I was chronically falling asleep in class. I once even fell asleep during a final exam. In fact, I’m fairly certain that many of my professors will write about me in their memoirs as the only student they had ever known who would sit in the center of the front row only to be nodding away 20 minutes into the lecture. There’s nothing you can do that will desecrate a teachers ego more than falling asleep while telling you something they are terribly passionate about.
I would try everything to stay awake. I’d slap myself, bite my lip, doodle on my paper, write crappy poems; you name it, I tried it. All that happened was I would end up falling asleep anyway only I’d have a red face, a bleeding lip and ink all over my forehead. I exhausted all my options, even to the point of carrying a mug of coffee with me wherever I went. I vividly remember someone (whom I had never met) that was looking for me was given the following description by one of my friends: “He’s the big guy with the ball cap and a stainless steel coffee mug.” To this day I fear that my degree is a fake, given to me out of desperation so I’d leave and the professors would have time to mend their bruised egos.
Unfortunately this little problem of mine didn’t stay at college. Oh no, that would be too helpful. To this day I regularly fall asleep in lectures only now the lectures take the form of sermons by the pastor on Sunday mornings. That wouldn’t be too bad if I were a regular Joe in the service (or if I was over 60) but I’m the youth minister. I’m supposed to be setting an example for the students. Well, I guess I am setting an example, albeit a slumbering one. Meh, there are worse examples I could be setting.
I also tend to fall asleep when I’m on the toilet. I really don’t know why it’s so relaxing to m…oh…wait, maybe I do. Hey, quit laughing, you know you’ve fallen asleep on the pot too and if you haven’t yet just wait. It’ll happen to you sooner or later.
The shower is another place where I regularly fall asleep. The odd thing about falling asleep in the shower is that you’d think I would fall down, clobbering my head against the porcelain, but I don’t. My joints lock in some weird Xman-like manner, my chin rests comfortably against my chest and I begin dreaming. I’ll tell ya, it doesn’t get any weirder than waking up standing in the shower wondering how long you’ve been asleep. You can tell by the fact that the water is still warm that you haven’t been out too long but you just imagine your wife downstairs thinking to herself, “What is he DOING in there?”
Am I the only one who falls asleep no matter where I am?
Children First
It has been an emotional day for me. This morning and afternoon I spent about five hours at the local Georgia Baptist Children’s Home hanging out with and ministering to the kids and teens living there. A group of adults from the church at which I minister organized a picnic/cookout with the Home for the purpose of building meaningful relationships with the children. It’s less accurate to think of the Children’s Home as an orphanage and more accurate to think of it as a sort of halfway house.
Children can end up there via several avenues. One is if a parent decides they don’t want their child(ren) anymore, they can bring them to the Children’s home. Another way is if the child(ren)‘s parents both die and there are no relatives that are willing or able to take them in. But by far the most common way a child winds up in this particular Home is through DCFS as a result of domestic abuse.
Needless to say, these children have emotional scars which I will never be able to fully understand. They have experienced more pain and suffering in the short time they’ve been alive than I will probably experience in my entire life. Some of them literally smile once a year at best. Others are habitually abusive to other children. Still some are just introverted, withdrawn into their own minds, obviously a defense mechanism to keep from feeling the pain they’ve endured.
I played ball with one girl whom I’ll call Becky. Her face and age both reminded me of Dakota Fanning. She and her two older sisters were all living at the Children’s Home. Each of them was as cute as a button. They were living there because their parents had both been arrested for running a Meth lab (presumably) in their own home. Can you imagine? I know I can’t. In fact, I don’t care to imagine because the emotions are too great. One adult abusing another adult is a tragedy and a horrible crime. But I can’t help but feel that an adult abusing a child is more than just a crime against the person involved; it’s a crime against humanity.
Being the minister to children and youth the task was bestowed upon me to lead everyone in a short spiritual devotion after lunch. How could I do this? What could I possibly say to these children that would have any meaning in light of the horror they had already lived through? The answer was simple; tell them of God’s love. I didn’t talk to them about Hell, or Heaven or Sin or Salvation. I talked to them about love, Divine love. The kind of love I knew they must be longing for. Still, I felt unequipped for such a task. Compared to these kids I had lived the life of a prince and they the life of a pauper. Who was I to tell them anything? Again, the answer stared me back in the face as I read through the book of Mark. I couldn’t tell them anything, but God had plenty He wanted to say.
I talked to them about God’s love. I didn’t confuse them with theological jargon; I didn’t try to extrapolate the meaning of the “unforgivable sin.” I boiled the entire Bible down to its pulp and served them the one thing remaining, floating on the surface: God loves you.
God loves everyone. That’s the whole purpose behind the Children’s Home. They strive first and foremost to get these families the counseling they need to regain custody of their children. Foster parenting is a second choice. These leaders really have their heads on straight and are doing something for society that most of us could never do. Yet it’s a task that is so vitally important. Children should always come first in any society.
This particular Children’s Home is going through a financially difficult time. They even have to turn some children away because they don’t have the money to support them. If you’re blessed with more money than you need and are looking for a way to really give back to society I suggest you consider donating to the Georgia Baptist Children’s Home.
Teen Party How-To
This isn’t a post for how to throw a “kegger,” a “house party,” a “toga party” or any other teenage party that focuses on consuming mass quantities of alcohol. This is a post meant to educate parents, new youth pastors and possibly even teens themselves on what makes a good party where the vast majority of the guests are in middle and/or high school. I feel I’m somewhat qualified to write about this because I’ve been a youth minister for almost five years now and have thrown my share of “shindigs.”
First, there are a few questions you need to ask yourself:
1. Why are you having this party?
The occasion for the party will dictate much of what happens at the party and to some extent will tell you what kind of people are likely to attend. Generally there are three kinds of parties: parties that are fun, parties that are more fun and parties that are crazy fun. Obviously you’ll want to know just how much fun you want the teens to have before you send out your invitations. Oh, and while I’m talking about invitations I have to say this: make them unique. You can send anything through the U.S. Postal Service that’s as big or bigger than a 3“x5” note card. For example, if you were having a party where you were barbecuing you could write your invitations on paper plates and mail those. You’ll have to go to the post office to mail them though because of the oversized postage.
2. What are you going to eat?
Never, NEVER have a party for teenagers without lots of food and drinks. Typically you’ll at least want finger foods like chips, cookies and brownies. Under no circumstances should you serve veggies unless explicitly asked to do so by one of the teens. Pizza is always a good choice for food too.
3. How long are you willing to play host(ess)?
You should have some kind of an idea of how long you want this party to last. If you don’t have a plan you’ll regret it, trust me on this.
Now, here are a few tips for throwing a good party:
1. Play music. You need to have music playing. But please, for the love of Pete, don’t go get your Beatles albums and your Simon and Garfunkel LP’s. You need to play stuff that’s on the top 40 radio stations. If you don’t know what kind of music I’m talking about then go to a music store (NOT WALMART), find a knowledgeable clerk and ask him what teens these days are listening to. If he’s working at a music store he probably will be able to answer your question. Then buy two or three of the CD’s he recommends.
2. Have food. I mentioned this earlier but it bears repeating because it’s absolutely essential. Pizza is a classic choice and always a safe bet; everyone likes pizza. Early on I had a hard time guessing how much pizza I would need to buy for a large group of people. I’d either have a dozen pizzas left over or come up woefully short and both of those options are undesirable. Well, I’m here to help. Did you know that there’s a formula to figure out how many large pizzas you’ll need for any given number of people? Here it is:
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N represents the total number of people to feed
P represents the total number of large pizzas to buy
(N / 4) + (N / 10) = P
Note: always round up.
For example, if you had 16 people coming to the party you’d need 6 pizzas. 16 / 4 = 4 pizzas. Then, 16 / 10 = 1.6 pizzas … now round this up to an even 2. Suppose, however, that the second equation gave a result of 1.1 pizzas; then you’d still round up to 2. Always round up.
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In my experience this formula will ensure that you end up with one or possibly two extra pizzas. I’ve seen this formula be extremely accurate for groups as small as 10 and as large as several hundred.
3. Plan activities but be prepared to go with the flow. There’s nothing worse than having a party and no one wants to do anything. In a situation like that you may need to help things along a bit. Perhaps play a game? Maybe a crazy icebreaker? A quick Google search will turn up thousands of results for game ideas and icebreakers. BUT DON’T FORGET to go with the flow. If everyone’s having a great time your best bet is to stay out of the way.
That’s about it. Is there anything you think I’ve left off the list? I’d be really interested to hear from parents of teens.
10 Thoughts on Improving Your Blogging
It seems to me that everyone, once they’ve been blogging for a while, is required to write a post about how to be a better blogger. Not wanting to break the tradition I decided to write about the art of blogging too. Please understand that I in no way am trying to imply that I have somehow “arrived” in my blogging or should be someone whom you should “look up to.” All I’m trying to do in this post is share some things I’ve learned along the way. By the way, this post is based on one of those crumby “inspirational” posters you see floating around CEO’s offices. Cheesy? Absolutely. True? Undeniably.
It’s a somewhat goofy thing to write about but I know that when I started out blogging I had no idea what I was doing and read every “how to blog” post I could find. Some of them were a heap of smelly crap, others were golden nuggets of timeless blog wisdom. Only time will tell what this post of mine will be; hopefully somewhere in between “cow pie” and “golden fleece.” I just hope it’s not crap-covered fleece because that’s just nasty.
1. Try to determine what’s working. This assumes that you’ve been blogging for more than a couple days. Look back over your comments and your stats. Look for patterns surrounding what you wrote about and how much attention that post got. If people tend to come around your blog when you write about a specific topic you may want to consider writing more posts like that. It may be that you’re more passionate about that subject and it shows in your writing, or maybe it’s just a more popular topic, who knows? But you did something right, figure out what it was and do it over and over again.
2. Try to determine what’s not working. One of my favorite axioms is, “If you find yourself in a ditch the first thing to do is stop digging.” This is incredibly appropriate for blogging. If you’ve been writing about what you had for lunch for six months and don’t have anyone visiting your blog then you might deduce that perhaps writing about your midday meal isn’t your forté. Don’t take it personally, just learn from it and change your topic. The same truth holds for anything you’re doing. Keep in mind too that what works one day may not work the next. Blogging is about being flexible, learn to love it.
3. Try to find someone who’s done it. That is to say, find someone who is a successful blogger. Then once you’ve found them subscribe to their blog and watch everything they do. They’ve obviously done something right so learn from them.
4. Try to ask for help. If you have a problem you shouldn’t feel ashamed to ask for help. The key here is to be flatteringly polite when you ask. The way to a blogger’s heart is through his ego, never forget that.
5. Try it again tomorrow. Did you screw up today? Couldn’t find anything to write about? Wrote poorly? Whatever you did that you didn’t really like remember that tomorrow is a new day and lucky for you the water moves quickly under the blogosphere bridge.
6. Try it a little differently. Change your blogging style whenever you feel like it. Personally, I love to read dooce and I make a feeble attempt at somewhat emulating her writing style. Find your blog voice, and don’t be discouraged if it takes you a little while.
7. Try once more. Becoming a good blogger doesn’t happen over night. If at first you don’t succeed try it once more.
8. Try again. Did you fail again? Then get up and try again.
9. Try. Am I making my point yet?
10. Just keep trying. Improving our blogging is an ongoing challenge. It’s something we must constantly seek to improve upon. As soon as you feel successful that’s when you know you must start trying harder.
Musical Ecclecticism Starts Early
Thomas jams to Harvey Danger on the computer. Musical ecclecticism starts early.
My Simplistic Thoughts on Gay Marriage
I’ve been intentionally dodging this issue for a long time (I’ve come to hate being in the middle of controversy.) But I decided after reading a truly excellent post at Timothy’s Burden to write a brief account of my thoughts regarding homosexual marriage. Now keep in mind that I tend to be too liberal for some conservatives and way too conservative for most liberals. I’m a little right of center politically. I don’t really care where I lie on the political spectrum though because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and dog-gonnit people like me.
I really don’t see why conservative Christians are getting all in a huff about the government not passing the amendment which would define marriage as between only a man and a woman. While Timothy’s Burden goes into more lengthy detail about the biblical and logical fallacies surrounding this failed amendment, my reasons for believing it a wrong position to hold are more simplistic: I really don’t care if homosexuals enjoy the same rights as I do as a married person. But I’m sure you want to hear more of my thoughts, don’t you? Let me break it down for you.
Biblically speaking…
Biblically speaking, yes, I believe homosexuality is sinful; but no more sinful than lying, lusting, cussing, speeding, stealing or over eating. Sin is sin in my book and I’m not going to dehumanize anyone just because their particular sin is unattractive to me. I love being married, and darn it if I’ll ever take steps to keep someone else from experiencing the same emotions I’m privileged to. That’s just mean.
Government involvement…
I firmly believe that the Government, both local and federal, should be kept well in check regarding how much power they have in passing laws based upon morals. Laws should be based upon the law of the land. Legally, there’s no good reason to keep homosexuals from marrying. So the only conclusion can be that government desired to pass this amendment based upon their individual moral convictions. Read my lips: no law should ever be passed just because someone (or some group) feels that it’s the right thing to do. Laws should be passed based upon existing law, the Constitution and cold hard logic.
Personal impact…
As I hinted above, gay marriage has little if any impact upon me or my family. Even if I had a family member that was gay and this amendment affected me personally my position would still be the same. You can’t legislate a person into having the same morals that you do.
Furthermore, I don’t need government approval of my faith to make me feel validated in believing what I do. If the U.S. Government turned around and said that Christianity is the only legal religion would that make me feel validated? NO! I would feel sad because that’s not what our country is about. Like it or not, our grand country is built upon diversity. It’s built on different ideas, beliefs and traditions and I think we’re stronger because of it. To lose that diversity is to weaken ourselves as a nation.
In addition to all I’ve written the fact remains that Christianity and its beliefs and morals cannot, indeed, should not be legislated. That’s because Christianity, at its heart is not a religion of laws and rules, but of relationship. Its foundation is a personal (i.e. one on one) relationship one chooses to have with Jesus.
I Don’t Have a Blog
It’s funny because it’s true. Blogging for me is such a fantastic release I can’t imagine not blogging. The release comes through writing, yes, but also through interaction with readers. A good friend once pointed out to me that writing a post is only one half of what blogging is. Fully, the other half is found in the comments and how I (the blogger) interact with those who leave the comments. So feel free to leave comments on this post as well as any other post you’re able to dig up in the archives.
The Chief End of Man
Have you ever wondered about the purpose of life? I remember one time when I was in high school one of my good friends (who’s now a strong Christian) asked me, “Ben, what do you think the purpose of life is?” I didn’t have an answer at the time; I wish I knew then what I know now.
Perhaps surprisingly the answer to this question isn’t complicated nor is it riddled with theological jargon. The chief end of man, the purpose of each one of our lives, according to the Westminster Shorter Catechism is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. It really doesn’t get any simpler than that.
Everything we do, every decision we make should be focused around this basic idea of glorifying God and enjoying Him. Of course, from a biblical point of view, enjoying and glorifying God fully can only be accomplished through fellowship with His risen Son, Jesus Christ. But even for the non-Christian this concept has at least some bearing on the way life is to be lived.
It’s a beautiful idea, isn’t it? That what we should be most concerned about isn’t money, fame, glory or power, but about enjoying God. We should enjoy Him because it directly brings glory to Him. With this fact in mind I for one look forward to glorifying God!
Minor Inconvenience, Profound Truth
Ever since I was a teenager I’ve made it a point to have a working watch on my wrist. Having the time immediately at hand was almost as addicting as coffee (almost.) My watch was among the first things I put on in the morning and I wouldn’t take it off until I went to bed. Moreover, I was OCD about having my watch be exactly correct. In fact, for a few months when I was 18 I was so anal about having the exact time I made sure my watch was accurate to the atomic clock to the second.
My watch battery died two months ago. Normally what I would do is just buy a new watch battery or a new watch. But this time I decided to try a little experiment and not get another watch or battery. Instead I’d ask people for the time, find a public clock or look at my cell phone. Interestingly enough it hasn’t been that difficult of a transition.
During the first few days of going watchless I had a feral drive to always have a clock in sight, even if I wasn’t on a schedule. But now, two months later, I find myself only caring about the time when I have an appointment or meeting to go to. The rest of the day tends to be much more relaxed and let me tell ya, it feels great.
Since not having a watch I find myself worrying about the time, and thus, worrying about the future less and less. In a very real way I am being forced to live in the present as opposed to the future.
This discovery got me thinking about the other areas of my life: my relationship with God, my wife, my son and my family. It even got me thinking about other material aspects like my finances and possessions. Do I tend to focus unhealthily upon the future in those areas? Do I worry about how I’m going to make financial “ends” meet years down the road to the point that the worry prevents me from enjoying the blessings of today? I don’t know about you, but I definitely tend to do just that; and it sucks.
That’s not how we’re meant to live. God never intended for us to live in the past or the future, but to live in the present. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t plan for the future or learn from the past, which would be foolish. But if we plan and plan and plan for the future to the extent that it robs us of the joy in the present then something is wrong.
If you tend to overly focus on the past or the future I challenge you to consider that there’s a better and more fulfilling way to live. Live in the present; take whatever steps are necessary.
I Do All My Own Stunts
Life with a toddler can be summed up in one photograph:
Another 9rules Post
I’ve been trying all day to think of something to write that didn’t have to do with 9rules. I wanted to write something “religious” or culturally significant but you know, I just can’t stop brimming with excitement about being accepted into this great community of bloggers. So here’s a post of me going, “w00t!” After all, it’s all I can think about :D.
For months now I’ve been longing to be a member of 9rules. In fact, from the first time I found out about it I knew two things: 1) it’s the best possible blogging community on the net and 2) that’s precisely where I want to be. Now, some time later, wonder of wonders has occurred and I’m actually part of 9rules!
When the list was first published yesterday I was completely stunned to see openswitch.org on it. What a feeling it was to see myself there! But you know what was even greater? To have dozens of people either email me or leave a comment here congratulating me on being accepted. That’s a truly wonderful place to be. Thank you all for your encouragement and congratulations.
So now what? What’s the next step for me? Well, for starters I want to work to make 9rules the go-to place for quality religious discussion. I’m looking forward to contributing a somewhat conservative protestant Christian point of view to the conversations and topics. Christianity isn’t the only religion represented in the 9rules religion community and I think it’s better for it.
I also have driving passion to improve my writing. Writing is my strong suit and I know it. Design, philosophy and academia are things I’m “so-so” at but writing is what I’m actually good at. Well, I’m good at it except for my dangling participles which as you know I blame on my Midwestern upbringing. I’d also like to improve my WordPress skills; that is, I want to learn more about how to use php, XHTML and CSS to get WordPress to roll over, play dead, beg and shake so I can give a treat to the readers.
But perhaps the most significant thing I want to do is improve myself as a person and a blogger. It won’t be easy to accomplish these goals but I firmly believe that because I have now surrounded myself with some of the strongest, kindest and most knowledgeable people on the planet it will only make those goals more of a reality. Hopefully I’ll even be able to play a part in contributing to someone else’s quality of life as well. Here’s to a promising future.
