In the period of a few months of motorcycle riding I’ve put about 6,000 miles on my bike. I don’t think that makes me an expert or a “real biker” but I do think it gives me certain privileges; one of which is helping define a branch of science which I call Gray’s Entomology.
Entomology, or the study of insects, is different than Etymology which is the study of words and their origins. I don’t have much contact with words when I’m riding but I do have many frequent encounters with insects when traveling at highway speeds.
Unfortunately these encounters are pleasant for neither the bug nor I. And yes, I know that a bug is an insect but an insect is not a bug. Regardless, due to my many hundreds of “experiences” with bugs I have come up with my own naming system for these insects.
Purists may say my naming methods are unscientific (whatever that means) but I assure you my conventions are based wholly on empirical studies. All of which, by the way, were conducted by me.
The list (continually expanding)
Green stingy ones
These are very unpleasant when they contact your skin at high speeds. They sting like the dickens and often travel in herds. They are unavoidable.
Water bugs
These bugs don’t live in the water but when they splat against a face shield or windscreen (or face) their guts are perfectly clear, like water. It’s still gross though.
Big ol’ fuzzy ones
I hate these because they feel weird. Instead of just splatting like a normal bug, they kind of flurry around on your skin for, like, a nanosecond and it really creeps me out.
Birds
These bugs are GINORMOUS, avoid them at all costs.
The little black ones
Very annoying but not painful. These bugs will get in your eyes, in your ears and mouth if you’re not careful. These can even penetrate your helmet’s smallest holes.
