OK, I need some help from you parents out there. Here’s the situation: my son, now three and a half years old, is at that stage of life where when he sees something in a store and can’t get it he will throw himself on the floor and scream.
Mind you, this child is not spoiled. Money is tight for our family so Toddler Boy is used to hearing the word “no.”
So my dilemma is this. I would like to discipline him in some fashion but I’m afraid to do anything for fear of someone calling the DCFS and then arresting me for child abuse (either real or perceived).
What do you do when your child is throwing a tantrum? Just ignore it? After all, it’s obviously just a ploy for attention. Yeah, ignoring would definitely be the more “common sense” approach but believe me it’s NOT easy to ignore a screaming toddler.
And even if you can ignore your own child it’ll prove even more difficult to ignore the stares of the other customers. As your child is writhing on the floor like a feral cat in heat they all have the look on their faces that seems to say, “Why doesn’t that horrible parent DO something?!”. Then they throw a can of tomato paste at your head. — OK, I made that last part up. —
But really, what can you do? I seek the advice of the almighty Internet.
8 Comments
Leave them at home!
(But seriously, I’m not a parent, I have no clue.)
The best way to handle the “I wants” is to avoid them. Go through the “family friendly” checkout aisles with no candy and toys at kid level. Avoid the candy and toy aisles in the grocery store. Stay away from the ice cream aisle.
Before you go to the store, set expectations of proper behavior. What worked best for my family was reading the book, “The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies.” We would read it right before going out and it seemed to improve the situation.
And, as the best laid plans will fail, when your child throws a tantrum, just pick him up and ignore him while holding him. Finish your transactions quickly or abandon the trip for later. He’ll learn that the trantrum got exactly the opposite response wanted (unless he really wanted to just leave the store…).
Ignoring, walking away, or spanking is likely to have some “do gooder” calling protective services on you. Definitely not worth it.
Good luck! Remember my advice is worth exactly what you paid for it. And hope you’re in a store surrounded by people who remember what you’re going through. They’ll be much more tolerant than the know-it-alls who haven’t yet had kids.
Luckily our toddler hasn’t really hit this stage yet. However, when he does grab a toy or something we just let him hold it until we get to the check out. Then as we are checking-out we give him something else to hold or a “job” to do. That usually occupies him but if he does then pitch a fit we are on the way out.
@Brent: I like your ideas. I’ll definitely have to start setting some expectations before we leave the house. But what stores are you shopping at that have “family friendly” aisles? I’ve never seen anything like that.
@Will: It’s coming my friend. Or maybe not. Some kids don’t go through a bad stage like this. Unfortunately most do
What if you do not take him to those stores period. Also a huge influence are the friends or kids the child will deal with. Those kids will influence your child’s behavior a lot! Also watch the amount of candy and sweets they use, that influences their behavior a lot. But as for shopping, I would not take the child shopping w/. They need to learn that you are the one deciding what you buy, not them. I know leaving them at home is tough, but have one parent stay home if possible, otherwise look for some alternative shopping stores.
Hey Ben,
Its been a very long time since commenting on your site, but I felt that I ought to comment on this as I can kinda
One thing that kind of worked a few times for us was to encourage them. “You can scream louder than that! I know you can do it. Why don’t you kick your legs out too?” If you’re really feeling brave, throw your own tantrum, the kid gets weirded out and stops doing it. Good luck, no fun.
I can’t believe this post has been up here since November and you received no help. What have you been doing for the last 6 months? Have the tantrums stopped?
This is what I do:
I repeat, “I said ‘no’. It does not matter how much you scream or cry or kick your feet the answer is still no”
Then I leave. Not leave the store, just continue on with my shopping as though they were following close behind like a little obedient ducks in a row. Obviously, I don’t really continue as normal… I stay within hearing reach for sure and usually within sight but pretend my attention is totally on the merchandise on the shelf and not on the screaming toddler. I don’t usually get very far before they catch up.
Also, I have noticed that if I tell them what we are going in for ahead of time, it is easier to deal with an issue when it arises. For instance, “Can I have this toy/candy/book/etc.” I say, “No, we came for bananas and milk today. Remember?” Amazingly, they usually say something along the lines of. “Oh yeah. okay”