After living for 11 years in the Bible Belt, arguably one of the most Republican parts of the country, I’ve recognized certain traits amongst Republicans.
- Leviticus — Well, not necessarily the whole book and all its teachings, but just the parts that can justify certain ideologies such as anti-Homosexuality or Capital Punishment.
- Truck Nuts — This site kinda sums it up for me. And just who WOULDN’T want fake testicles hanging from their trailer hitch?
- Christian bumper stickers — Whether a fish or a marketing decal for their local mega church, every good Republican needs a “witty” Christian bumper sticker.
- Mega Churches — Nothing says “I’m a Republican” like being a member of a mega church. But don’t forget to pick up a church bumper sticker for your truck, just so everyone on the road knows what mega church you you attend as well.
- Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter — If you ever want to know what an average Republican thinks about a certain topic, be it the war in Iraq, taxes or the latest school issues, you need only find out what Rush or Ann are saying about it. He is the priest and she is the priestess of Republicanism.
- Jimmy Swaggert — This one isn’t as set in stone as some of the other items in this list, but it’s pretty solid. Preacher, man of the Word, anti-Satan weapon of God, what this guy says goes.
- Capitalism — Republicans swear by Capitalism. It’s virtually biblical, like an 11th commandment.
- AM Radio — Doesn’t matter what station, or what radio personality. Republicans are the reason AM radio even exists today.
- “W the President” stickers — And don’t think for one minute that these will disappear off Republican vehicles after January ’09.
- Hunting — It’s a fact, Republicans love to hunt. We don’t know why, it’s just in their genetic makeup.
- The 700 Club — Do people still watch that show? Yep. Republicans do. They’re the only one’s that do too. The slogan for that show might as well be “By Republicans, for Republicans.”
- Liberal Women — Arnold Schwarzenegger serves as our case in point. Conservative men adore liberal women. Maybe they find their philosophical counterparts exhilarating. And if you’re a Republican man and deny this truth, you’re just in denial.
- Honda Goldwings — A conservative motorcycle for a conservative American. Same goes for Buicks for that matter.
- Capital Punishment — This is a question on the entrance exam to the Republican party: “Are you in favor of Capital Punishment . . . any time it’s even remotely justifiable?”
22 Comments
So true, so true.
By the way, I think #10 is very closely related to the 2nd amendment.
I hope your tongue is firmly pressed in cheek, \’cause I ain\’t laughin\’. If your post is intended to tweak, it succeeded. I guess I could get all spiteful and bent out of shape and make a \”Things Democrats Like\” based upon my extensive experiences with the Northeastern variety (cold, disdainful, full of vitriol and spite, corrupt within an inch of their lives, bought and paid for by unions, developers and special interests, and most of all committed to the destruction of unborn life) but then that would be petty and low.
Most Republicans I know have arrived at their views after careful consideration (ala Chesterton and Orthodoxy) and not simply some knee-jerk reaction. Yes, Sean Hannity hails from the Northeast, but we don\’t all like overtalking our \”guests\” and strutting about self-importantly.
@Jason: It quite possibly could be related to the 2nd Amendment.
@Doug: I think you should write a post about Democrats, or even Independents for that matter
I never even brought up abortion, or drugs, or anything remotely inflammatory though. Maybe you\’re not laughing because you know it\’s true 
Ben:
If you can look in the mirror and tell yourself that your post wasn\’t looking down on Republicans of the Southern persuasion, well then, I don\’t know what to tell you.
Do you really wish to alienate a potential 40-50% of your readership in order to score some cheap rhetorical points? The whole post reeks of \”You might be a Redneck if…\”-ism, only delivered by a non-Redneck.
Kinda like how comedians get to make fun of their own race without running the risk of opprobrium, yet cannot get away with mocking other races.
If I knew you to be a Republican (given your flirtations with voting for Obama, not likely), I might be inclined to see the post as self-deprecating. However, having read much of your oeuvre, you don\’t strike me as the type nor the temperament.
Dude, you\’re completely forgetting that I\’m a Southern Baptist Preacher, of Republican persuasion.
If one post that gets your feathers in a ruffle is enough to scare you off man, I just don\’t know what to say.
Then why the Obama flirtations? And why the Huckabee love?
Egads, man!
(I\’m an SBC elder up here in the wilds of Philadelphia…)
Having a rough day today, I guess, and not inclined to charitable readings of folks\’ posts. A member of our congregation (young mother of 3) went into the hospital last night with possible strep throat which turned out to be undiagnosed leukemia that was so far advanced that she had a series of strokes and died early this morning.
I guess I\’m a bit in shock and it\’s really not fair to be commenting in this state, so if you want to ignore my previous ramblings, go right ahead.
Doug, man, my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine being in the emotional state you\’re in. I just said a prayer for you all and I\’ll remember as often as I can (though my memory sucks.)
I bring up Obama because I really do think he has a lot of great ideas. I think McCain and Huckabee do too. But I\’m holding my ground on Paul
For what it\’s worth, I write stuff like this because I love to hear what people think. Kinda like running something up a flag pole to see who salutes . . . no one ever does
This is VERY FUNNY as well as being true! I needed a good laugh, whether that was intended or not. I would love to see our CA governor attend a mega-church and hunt spotted owls. Then, he might be considered a true Republican to the Bible Belt.
I don\’t like being grouped with the people you are talking about. It is shortsighted of you to think this would not piss off the republicans who happen to live in the south and have conservative religious beliefs. It is odd to me to think that this is your view of someone like me when not a single one of these things are true about me.
[...] list of what “makes a Republican” in the South. I’ll admit to AM radio (sports talk), I’ve still got the W sticker on a few cars (but [...]
Wow Ronny sure did a number on you, next thing you know you\’ll be sporting a tin foil hat like the rest of his followers
BTW I think I need to run out and get some fake testicals for my Grand Am.
@Rich: Thanks, I\’m glad it made you laugh
@Nick: You\’re mad because it\’s true
That\’s the typical response I get too: \”You\’re a Christian and NOT a extreme right winger so you must be either 1. crazy or 2. brainwashed.\”
@Joel: Don\’t get your panties in a bunch. You know you love Rush and are pro-capital punishment
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Ben, I know, I was just giving you a hard time. I also know that you don\’t believe this to be true of all republicans. And just to set the record straight, I can\’t stand mega churches, I\’ve never been nor will I ever go hunting, I would rather ride a custom chopper than a honda, and my W sticker will come down. oh and Dennis Miller can kick Rushes butt any day.
LOL, Dennis Miller is definitely better than Rush. BUT he\’s still AM Radio
@Ben Not true, never liked Rush and capital punishment is an iffy situation for me. I don\’t listen to AM radio, am not a member of a mega-church (or any church for that matter). I abhor the truck nuts (the conservative in me finds it inappropriate), never once have watched the 700 club or Jimmy Swaggert, dislike all bumper stickers, never been hunting, and liberal women drive me nuts. Honda Goldwings are for 70 year old bike riders, and Leviticus is no more important than any other book of the bible.
The only thing you have me on is the Capitalism when compared with the socialistic mindset of the rest of the country, I would choose big business over big government any day. Then again, isn\’t that the main tenant of being a republican?
Panties weren\’t in a wad, i guess I was trying to say that I thought you were a democrat so i agree with Doug that you don\’t seem to be coming at this from the right direction.
LOL. No, I\’m not a Democrat. Mostly because I can\’t see spending millions on welfare. I\’m definitely a Libertarian. But just last year you were telling me how much you listened to Rush and you\’re the one who told me to start listening to AM Radio. Maybe I\’m mistaken though and I\’m thinking of someone else.
Here\’s another thought, Joel. I remember you telling me at points that you\’re probably more conservative than me. After hearing you in this post, I\’m not sure that\’s necessarily the case. Seems you and I see eye to eye on more than we previously knew.
I think the AM radio thing was my STBEW I haven\’t listened to the radio in my car since Aug. 07.
It is possible we see more eye to eye on some things now that my temperament has changed a little. I still wouldn\’t vote for Obama.
I meant Aug \’06
Hmmm. I must have been wrong then.
Republican and Christian…and made me laugh. Its true. People should chill. It was funny.
Liked the one about the goldwing…most ridiculous motorcycle ever. If you wanted something that big you should be driving a car or maybe a golf cart. hahahaha
Thank you, Randy. I\’m glad my humor isn\’t lost on all