The question du jour is this: WOSWJU? Or, What Operating System Would Jesus Use? A trite question? Hardly. Anyone interested in the eternal fate of their computer data should concern themselves with finding the truth (Truth?) behind this question. Instead of just giving a pat-answer let’s go through our options, shall we?
Windows PC
HAHAHAHA! Oh, sorry. I just got a mental image of Jesus trying to defrag His heavenly hard drive. Look, all things considered, everyone knows that Windows PC’s are good for one thing and one thing only: gaming. So the real question is this: “Was Jesus a gamer?”
I like to think that Jesus could really get into some World of Warcraft. No way He’s playing strategy games (as great as they are) like Starcraft or Command and Conquer. In WOW He’d level at miraculous speed and build relationships with other WOW players, effectively sharing the good new of Himself with everyone in His guild.
Of course, if WOW is Christ’s game of choice then we have to acknowledge the fact that you can play WOW on other operating systems as well.
In the end, however, I think Jesus would get sick of all the viruses Satan would send him, ditch his Windows PC and buy a Wii so he could take care of his gaming jones and have Wii Sports tournaments with the disciples at the same time (Peter has a nasty competitive streak, or so I hear).
Mac OS X
Jesus loves a slick user interface, so OS X seems like a natural choice. Jesus would be taking care of the afore-mentioned gaming jones with his Wii so the utter lack of decent games for OS X is a moot point.
He’d love the fact that unlike Windows, Satan’s viruses would bounce right off His BSD-based OS. And when you’re running an OS that doesn’t need to defrag its hard drive . . . well . . . that’s like walking on clouds.
But what Jesus would dislike about the Mac and its OS is the vendor lock-in. Even though the Almighty owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He’d hate the idea that every time He wanted to upgrade an application or the OS itself, He’d have to pay someone. After all, He gave us forgiveness (indeed, He gave Himself) freely, without any strings attached.
Linux
Since Jesus already has that Wii He wouldn’t miss the lack of games for Linux. And like OS X He’d love the virus-free, defrag-free environment. But for Christ, the clincher for Linux would the the selfless way in which it’s offered. He’d identify with the idea of giving something away . . . for free . . . to everyone. And He’d love the idea of giving the free gift of Linux to others.
Sure, he’d miss the slick interface of OS X but he’d also realize that while man looks at the outside, God looks at the inside. Yes my friends, Jesus would use Linux. Now for the real question: would Jesus use the command line interface or would He be a graphical user interface kinda guy? Talk amongst yourselves.
18 Comments
Wow Ben – one of the best articles yet!
I do think God would be willing to accept all OS’s if they are willing to repent and follow him. I am not sure only Linux was predestined to be chosen and elect.
Very amusing article Ben, I like it. There are some very important points made amongst it all, I hope people pick up on them.
Nitpicks:
1) Jesus would be a Second Lifer. Too much hacking and slashing in WoW, plus he’d piss Peter off by casting heal spells on enemies to rejuvenate them after they’d had their ears cleaved.
2) “Jesus Installs Linux For The 5000 At The Greater Jerusalem LUG InstallFest” just doesn’t have the same ring as loaves and fishes, you know?
3) Everybody knows that Ritchie and Thompson created man
4) I agree with your larger point, though. Jesus would be a Linux user, based upon Matthew 7:13-14 alone.
@Phil:
@Doug: Your #1 nitpick really made me laugh out loud!
To be honest, I think that things like this are nothing short of irreverent. I tried to find a quote to prove my point, but found I’d pasted 95% of the article into here, so that ended up as being largely useless.
I think you really, seriously, need to ask yourself what you’re trying to achieve here: hilarity… or holiness. I pity anyone who opts for hilarity.
You’re defining “irreverent” for me? Seriously? While the article obviously was meant to evoke some level of humor I really do think that if Christ were alive today he’d be a huge supporter of Linux. I don’t see that as irreverent at all.
You think Christ would support Linux if he was alive today? Do you see him commenting on whether someone chose this make of plough over that one? This type of seed over that type? This fishing net make over that one? I think not.
“Don’t be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don’t reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you’re only being cute and inviting sacrilege.”
— Matthew 7:6 [MSG]
@Ben: Great post, keep them comming!
@James: 1) read the first 5 verses of Matthew 7 before you get to the 6th. 2) I like how you use a translation that is so different from every other translation of the Bible just to try and make a point.
@Mike:
The translation was not picked to make a point… it’s what I read the verse in the other day – and that was good enough for me.
Additionally, the first five verses do not in any way change the sentiment of the sixth verse – but I see what you’re trying to imply by pointing me towards that. I wasn’t jumping on anyone’s faults, simply stating that – from where I’m standing – the article is purely irreverent.
The closest you could argue that I came to criticism of some*one* was the line “I pity anyone who opts for hilarity…” – which was a broad declaration, rather than attack on Ben.
Those verses don’t mean we should keep quiet about things – but rather that we shouldn’t find ourselves forgetting our own faults when bringing things up and, thus, supposing ourselves to be in some way superior.
My attitude in posting is not one of assumed superiority, but rather one of attempting to stimulate consideration for the holiness of God – rather than prioritising the so-called ‘freedom’ of humour, over the hard fought battle that humans must endure to ensure God is revered with our every action and word.
Mike, a question, if I may:
Do you think God has a sense of humor?
Follow-ups:
Did God create irony? Did Jesus exhibit humor, irony and sarcasm when physically present here on Earth?
If the answer to any of these is “yes”, where does that leave the discussion?
For the record, I do not believe that God suffers being mocked, however, He also enjoys His children’s laughter and joy and, I think, is not above a practical joke or two Himself. (ref. monotremes ). I think Ben’s article played far more on our preconceived notions of who Christ was/is and the stereotypes as to His disposition we bring to the table. If anything, it’s mocking those sentiments and missteps.
Rather, that was @James, not @Mike.
Sorry for the confusion.
@Doug:
Did Jesus ever make any comments, similar to the ones in the OP, about God? If the answer to that is “no”, where does that leave the discussion?
Just a thought.
HAHAHA! Sorry James, I couldn’t help but think of this:
In all seriousness though, I respect what you’re saying. I don’t think I was being irreverent, but I respect your feelings.
You’re evading my question.
Does God have a sense of humor?
Jesus was God Incarnate, sent here to live as Man. It’s the ultimate contradiction, for the Creator of the universe to lower Himself to the level of Created. His actions were unprecedented, thus it would have been an impossible question to ask prior to His coming to Earth. God hadn’t deigned to come down, thus questions such as “What fishing net would God use?” were senseless. However, once He deigned to come down, immense sense was imported to such questions. We have an example to follow in our daily lives, that of Christ.
@Ben:
Firstly, ahahahahahaha.
Secondly, I wouldn’t think for a moment you would do it if you thought it was irreverent, I was simply stating my view that it was, and hoping to provoke people to further think about the reverence (or lack of, whichever that it may be) with which they approach God
Well, even though we disagree on this specific instance (because we both agree that mocking God is sin) I think it’s great that we can discuss things like this openly and honestly. On most other blogs either you or I would be flamed to death. I think everyone here has enough respect for each other to realize that while issues such as this are very important to discuss and debate, they never override the respect we are to show to other humans. I’m proud to have such respectful readers
@Doug:
There was no intent in avoiding your question, I was simply questioning the basis of your question by posing another one in a similar vein.
I’m aware of who Jesus was, but I’m also aware that Jesus was concerned primarily with things of eternal consequence, and only concerned with those things that weren’t of eternal consequence insofar as their capacity as limiting factors to human existence (such as food, etc.) was concerned.
I don’t honestly believe that Jesus ever made an attempt at making things of eternal consequence funny, nor endorsing anything in particular.
One of the most direct confrontations of Jesus on the matter of things of supposed ‘Earthly consequence’ was when He was asked about paying taxes. To the question of whether people should pay tax to Caesar, He replied with an answer that proved that His intentions focused on the eternal, not the physical.
Had his intentions been otherwise He would, no doubt, have engaged in a long debate about why the Romans keeping Israel ‘captive’ (for want of a better term), was fundamentally wrong.
@Ben:
I can’t seem to find it on the Internet[s] at the moment, but there was an awesome pic of Dwight D. Eisenhower doing “I R Serious President” attached to the epic LOLPresidents Fark thread that would have been perfect for this’n.
@James:
You’re spinning off into non sequiturs. What has the Roman occupation to do with Jesus’ willingness to make light of a subject?
He spoke often, and at-length, about things of Earthly significance, though His focus was obviously on Heavenly things. Ref. sparrows, flowers, Solomon in his splendor, “But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins…” [ 1 ], etc.