In two weeks our church is holding a True Love Waits weekend for the students; yet I can’t help but be pessimistic. I know that statistically speaking the rate of sex outside of marriage is the same for church goers as it is for non. I suppose I could think of reasons (excuses?) why this is the case but I prefer not to right now. Instead I’ll just take that fact at face value and move on.
What kind of a difference am I making by holding this event? Are the students actually going to change their behavior for the rest of their lives as a result of 3 days of study? I find it hard to believe so. Just like a teacher has an almost impossible time making a child want to learn, so is a minister almost incapable (notice I said “almost”) of making a student want to live a virtuous life.
Let’s be honest, by the time a student is in high school their attitudes toward life and their core values are already in place thanks to their upbringing. At the point they come into a youth group the very best a youth worker can hope for is to come alongside this young adult and walk through life with them. Their core character and moral fiber have already been formed.
That’s not to say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, I’m just saying it’s just about impossible. Call me Mr. Pessimistic from now on, OK?
4 Comments
Hi Ben,
I understand how one can be pessimistic when trying to do what you’re doing. But remember this, God will judge you on what you do; not on what the kids you minister to do. If your taking your time to do your Christian duty of ministering, I can only imagine God being very pleased with you.
I also realize that, in this situation, you are not so much worried about God judging you as you are about making a positive impact on a kid’s life. That’s probably where all this frustration comes from.
Don’t get down on yourself too much. Believe me when I say, one of these kids will remember this weekend when the time comes to make a decision about pre-marital sex. And that memory will serve as a reminder of why they should wait.
Your doing a good thing. I know it’s tough but hang in there. Because a kid one day, whether you know it or not, will thank you for it.
Good luck and keep the faith!
I think that this is one of the areas where living by example does so much more than trying to just tell it how it is. (Which is often the case, actually, go figure!) The tough part is the friends they have most likely aren’t leading a life worthy of being an example to look up to! Hope the study goes well though, it most certainly seems to be at least more positive than negative; which is better than doing nothing.
I completely understand doubting the impact of such study. I attended a “true love waits” study with my church growing up. I made the commitment to wait and much like other parents in our church, I received a symbol to remember that promise. Mine was a cross necklace. The girls usually got some sort of ring. Years later, I turned my back on my faith, and therefore turned my back on God. I went out and did what I wanted without the limitation of rules and/or a set of morals. I had sex with whoever I wanted. Did whatever I wanted. Whenever I wanted. Those of you who are “non-believers” will probably not understand what happened next. You see, when you know something you cannot “un” know it. I knew the truth. I knew how God viewed the things I had done and I knew the consequences of those actions. Just when I thought I was on top of the world with everything I could ever “want”…. I was given what I needed. A swift kick in the rear. God had came to my dark place in the world. He found me there on my wall. Standing so proud as if I were a god myself. He held me accountable for the things I had knowingly done wrong. Then, He forgave me!! It was at that time that I realized what forgiveness was all about. Until my escapade, I had never really done anything to need forgiveness. Sure I sinned, but nothing that needed real redemption. Now, I was in a place that needed real forgiveness. I “rededicated” my life to Christ and started living a “better” life. Years went by, as friends and family helped me regain my place in the world. Then, I met my wife!! A beautiful Christian woman with an amazing artistic interest and similar tastes in life. But, now that I had found the one I wanted to marry…. How could she ( a strong Christian who just so happened to be a virgin ) love me? How could I be what she deserved. After all, she had waited true to her promise to not have sex until marriage and I… well, you’ve been reading. I have to admit I thought about not telling her. She wasn’t part of that world and since she just so happened to be from another state… there was no way that she knew anyone I had “slept with”. As if she would be friends with those type of people anyway. I prayed about it and battled with just walking away. Never to see her again. True turmoil. Finally I sat her down and told her every detail of the world I once lived in. Then, when I was finished. She looked at me and said. “God has forgiven you, how could I not forgive you as well?” i was amazed!!! Five weeks later we were married and we will be celebrating our third year of marriage April 29th!!!!
I wanted to share this with you, not to give reason to do what they want. Don’t go and sin because you have forgiveness in your pocket. Forgiveness is not to be abused. I t is not a “backup plan”. My point here is this… Maybe it will help to give your students an example of what they may have to deal with in their certainly unknown future. My wife deserved a virgin. Fact. I wish no one the pain of hurting the one you love long before you know them. If I had known my wife would be so wonderful. I would have held tightly to my promise, and she would have gotten the man she deserved. Sin is instant, but its consequence may come another day…………………
It’s all in the Holy Spirit’s hands. Remember that Paul faced many trials while trying to teach the unrepentant, and in 2 Corinthians he speaks blatantly about the emotional problems they caused for him, but he always trusted that God would work a miracles in their hearts by renewing their minds and causing them to live a redeemed and repentant life.